All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
