Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
