i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
