"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
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