I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
