I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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