Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
