dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
