is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just google imaged poop.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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