Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
