You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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