these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
