I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
