My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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