Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
