I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
