You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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