So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
