Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
