hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
