i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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