Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
