She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
