if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
