Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
