Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
