Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
