I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
