It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
