I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
