Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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