Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
