we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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