Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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