so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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