This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
