just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
