Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
