I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
