I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
