Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
