It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
