Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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