I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
