my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
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