i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
