I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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