Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
