he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
