i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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