The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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