Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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